The Relationship Saver Blog

attrac­tive |əˈtrak­tiv| adjec­tive • pleas­ing or appeal­ing to the senses • appeal­ing to look at; sex­u­ally allur­ing  *** How impor­tant is it in a rela­tion­ship that one is attrac­tive? I’d say VERY impor­tant. But, what does it really mean – beyond the dic­tio­nary def­i­n­i­tion – to be attrac­tive? My obser­va­tions have con­vinced me (I am […]

Werner Erhard Pos­si­bil­ity of Rela­tion­ship 2 of 6 — YouTube.

Love impacts our inter­ac­tions with both our friends and strangers, as well as influ­enc­ing our deci­sions about what we share, do, and say. It effects our per­spec­tive towards new infor­ma­tion, and our tol­er­ance for differences.

I found this recently surf­ing the inter­net. It is old (2008) but still very per­ti­nent, like The Rela­tion­ship Saver, which is btw 9 years old this month: “Save Your Rela­tion­ship Since the Month of Love, FEBRUARY is com­ing up here is another thing I should share with you. I ran into some­thing I found for a […]

Being nice is not the same as merely being polite. Your par­ents can teach you to be polite, but being nice is your per­sonal trait and can­not be taught, but it may be devel­oped. Close­ness and inti­macy in a rela­tion­ship is cre­ated and allowed by “niceness”.

I know you think that love is a set of emo­tions and moods and thoughts and atti­tudes and out­looks and feel­ings. And I’m invit­ing you to con­sider the pos­si­bil­ity that, that sim­ply is one inter­pre­ta­tion, not one with which you are stuck.

Our cul­ture is built for win­ners. Every­one else is a loser. Whose aim in life is to be a loser? Not me, cer­tainly, and I per­son­ally don’t know of any­one who has. So, what do we do in the game of win­ning? We try to be right as much as we pos­si­bly can. Even if […]

Break-ups are sim­ply awful, there’s rarely a time that it doesn’t leave at least one party feel­ing like they lost a part of them­selves and like it is going to take for­ever until they can feel up to dat­ing again. There are times when things are annoy­ing com­pli­cated and ter­ri­bly depress­ing but the only way […]

If you want to per­pet­u­ate the attrac­tion in your rela­tion­ship, keep the gap between fem­i­nin­ity and mas­culin­ity as wide as pos­si­ble. If a woman adopts too many male char­ac­ter­is­tics and a man vice versa, the roles may reverse, attrac­tion will evap­o­rate to be replaced by either con­flict or indif­fer­ence. No one rel­ishes the prospects of this happening.

A rela­tion­ship is bet­ter viewed as a verb rather than a noun.

Can we make our­selves be in love, or even bet­ter, can we make oth­ers fall in love with us?

Unful­filled Expec­ta­tions. They just pop up every­where, in all places, at all times; not just in romance. They do tend to stand out more on Valentine’s Day.

Change is a very pop­u­lar topic. You either want it, don’t want it, or it is forced upon you. In any case, change is inevitable. How effec­tively to deal with it is the question.

In order to alle­vi­ate our suf­fer­ing we engage in a blame game, e.g. name-calling.

We tend to be less crit­i­cal of evi­dence that sup­ports our beliefs than evi­dence that runs counter to our beliefs. In an inter­est­ing exper­i­ment that demon­strates this phe­nom­e­non, researchers pre­sented indi­vid­u­als with mixed evi­dence on the effec­tive­ness of cap­i­tal pun­ish­ment on reduc­ing crime.

Your per­sonal bound­ary marks the line between what you con­trol and what you don’t. Solv­ing prob­lems begins with the cre­ation and famil­iar­ity with a healthy, mature and inte­grated per­sonal emo­tional boundary.

We explain the ratio­nale behind our com­plaints to inter­ested (and unin­ter­ested) par­ties, and point out how pleased we are with our­selves for tak­ing the nec­es­sary steps to sort things out—we have a cer­tain fond­ness for our attempts, for “trying.”

One of the main strate­gies for repair­ing your rela­tion­ship that I men­tion in The Rela­tion­ship Saver is that you must ALWAYS agree with your part­ner. This state­ment may cause you to imme­di­ately reject my sug­ges­tion, mainly for the rea­son of pride and self-respect.

In the past, when peo­ple lived in extended fam­i­lies sep­a­ra­tions and divorces were rare. The couple’s fam­ily felt respon­si­ble for their relationship.

Vul­ner­a­bil­ity is one of those dreaded words. Some­times we’d rather die than allow our­selves to be vul­ner­a­ble in our relationships.

Men and women are pro­grammed dif­fer­ently the way they process their feel­ings.…. One of the major gen­der dif­fer­ences in the realm of feel­ings is that women are feel­ing crea­tures and men are ratio­nal creatures.

No-one-tells-me-what-to-do atti­tude is per­fectly nor­mal for teenagers anywhere.

… each of us pos­sesses a set of bio­log­i­cal ‘switches’ for our emo­tions. These switches are entirely auto­matic and they are uni­ver­sal. They are often referred to as the Affect Sys­tem. How might this serve us when faced with an enraged, scream­ing, threatening …

In pros­per­ous west­ern cul­tures divorces are sky-rocketing while in poorer soci­eties fam­i­lies are far more sta­ble. What are the rea­sons for this phe­nom­e­non and what has that got to do with us? Do I have to become poor in order to have a happy rela­tion­ship, you may ask. Not really, but on the other hand, you may have no choice.

The more I learn about dif­fer­ences between men and women (or I should rather say fem­i­nine and mas­cu­line) the more I dis­cover the causes of mis­un­der­stand­ing and mis­com­mu­ni­ca­tions that that are per­va­sive in man/woman relationships.

Too often we for­get that we are deal­ing with a “dif­fer­ent species” i.e. female Homo Sapi­ens and by default, if we want to be nice, we treat them the way we want to be treated.

We think that we should know how to man­age our rela­tion­ships and thus are very resis­tant to look­ing for help until it is often too late.

lust |ləst| noun very strong sex­ual desire : he knew that his lust for her had returned. • [in sing. ] a pas­sion­ate desire for some­thing : a lust for power. • (usu. lusts) chiefly The­ol­ogy a sen­sual appetite regarded as sin­ful : lusts of the flesh. Yes, of course, we all know the dif­fer­ence. We talk […]

“To achieve excel­lence, you must .….”

We think that some­how that feel­ing of love or a lov­ing feel­ing should always be present and only then we would know that our rela­tion­ship is OK. When a rela­tion­ship is break­ing up there seems to be a simul­ta­ne­ous loss of love, or loss of love pre­cedes the break up.

When it comes to your atti­tude towards your mar­riage, do you see it as a rela­tion­ship between two sep­a­rate peo­ple that have come together to share life, or do you see your­selves as a fam­ily and parts of the family.

Whether your rela­tion­ship is going well or not you can always think back to the out­set of the rela­tion­ship and, if you are able to look at those begin­nings with an open mind and objec­tively, you can always say, I told you so. Or at least your par­ents, rel­a­tives or friends could say it.

So, how is it that we are so knowl­edge­able yet can­not improve rela­tion­ships, no mat­ter what? The best exam­ple is over­weight peo­ple who want to lose weight. Most of them know exactly HOW to do it. The same applies to rela­tion­ships. We often know how to do it, yet we do noth­ing about it. And therein lies the problem.

Here we will address one of the very char­ac­ter­is­tic modus operandi under­ly­ing women’s behav­ior, which men in their sim­plic­ity can­not even fathom, let alone thor­oughly understand.

The ques­tion I have for you is this: can a man and a woman be equal, and what are the con­di­tions and rules of behav­ior given that men and women are so very different?

Often we are blind to the fact that our opin­ions are just that, and although they may appear as facts to us, they are just “our” truths and not THE truths. The first step in dis­solv­ing a con­flict of this nature is to start own­ing our opinions.

Hope is always asso­ci­ated with the future. We hope that things will change, that or our per­cep­tion of the sit­u­a­tion is wrong, that it is only a tem­po­rary thing that will pass as soon as cir­cum­stances change.

Two things hap­pened to San­dra Bul­lock this month. First, she won an Acad­emy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claim­ing that her hus­band is an adul­ter­ous jerk. So the philo­sophic ques­tion of the day is: Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremen­dous pro­fes­sional tri­umph for a severe per­sonal blow?

Also, it seems that some peo­ple are able to ignore or tran­scend how things show up for them. I’ve observed a few peo­ple who seem to be suc­cess­ful finan­cially, in their careers, and in other aspects of their lives who still have a bunch of neg­a­tive self-esteem beliefs.

In charged sit­u­a­tions most of us assume that we see things as they are; that is not so. We actu­ally see things as they appear to us. Check out for your­self. When was the last time that you met an “idiot” who thought exactly like you do?